less and less perfect as time goes on

i feel very sad right now.


not for you.



i fight sadness a lot. i wish people would not be so mean and hateful on my blog. it is depressing. isn't the world hard enough without people discouraging and trying to make me feel like crap? it takes a lot of energy to try and not be bothered by it. i just want to blog my little blog. i don't want to hurt anyone.

Beryl Sardonyx is my new name

someday, i will have a nice camera again. it's so hard to get good pics with this one.
you people have no sense of humor, do you?
you take everything way too seriously, on my blog and about my blog.
i'm just an average person goofing around as a hobby/pastime.
if you knew me at all, you would never be treating me so rudely.
i know it.

but anyway. life goes on.



my point is, i'm not trying to turn you on.
i'm not trying to be seductive with my blog.
i'm not trying to make people who read my blog think i'm sexy.


it's just supposed to be self-expression.
entertainment of the fun-ish variety.
maybe a little bit interesting or sometimes a little bit thought provoking.


a lot of times, i'm sortof having an inside joke with myself and you guys think i'm being serious. a form of PLAY. yeah. that's it.


so could you kindly get over it, please?
thanks.

talented, i know.

nothing to add

yesterday i ate this potato.


first i unwrapped it and then i took a bite.
the other day, i ate some cauliflaur. i always want to spell it like that even tho it's wrong.



the story behind the potato is that someone made them for lunch but i didn't have time to stay for lunch so i took the potato along with me in my purse and ate it later while it was luke-warm. the cauliflower was given to me by my ex's mother. she gets oldish produce from the grocery store to feed her animals with, but sometimes it is just fine and fixes it to eat or gives it away to friends.

sometimes

this weekend i am going to work on taking more-interesting pictures.
i get stuck in photographic ruts.


in teh above foto you can clearly see that i should botox my forehead crease!
i hate that thing.
BUT....
whatever.
i need a rich boyfriend who will indulge my every whim, is what i need.
don'tyaknow.
probably not gonna happen... cuz i am not in the mood to put up with crap from men.
don't take that personally tho.


i think that life can seem more interesting if you take pictures of it, tho.
everyday things like broccoli can suddenly seem special and important.
right?


or like this old doctor doolittle book which i purchased at the library for ten whole cents.

it's all much more interesting if you blog it.
makes it seem like MORE.
than. just. life.

okay, i guess i'll go trek thru the snowstorm now.

deal or no deal?

if you guys want me to get buttloads of plastic surgery so my visage does not offend thine eyes, you have to pay for it. bring in the donations!
maybe i can end up looking like a blow-up doll version of myself.
would that be preferable to my current state of degeneration?
i AM almost 35.
practically in a nursing home by america's standards.

today someone made me two espressos and now i'm zoomin'.
and someone told me a joke.
they said that Canada is spelled that way cuz canadians talk like this:
C, -eh N, -eh D, -eh. HAHA.

LOOK someone besides ME!

those are such cool little couches thingies. i want them, but i think they are gone already. i shoulda got 'em. Not the boys... guys... whatever. just the furniture!

here is someone's cat with stuart's mom in the background. hee.


how do you like my wristwarmer?

it was so cold all day and then come five o'clock, it's warm outside. sheesh.
whatsupwiththat?

it flippin snowed where i was yesterday!


a friend gave me that necklace a while back and the next day it broke! but this morning i really wanted to wear it so i sorta half-assed put it back together. unevenly, but maybe that is cooler?


i think i deleted a really cool picture! darnit! why lord? why? don't you hate when that happs? then it will always be the coolest picture ever that never was!

k. bye.

i need a break!

not feeling very grateful today, so maybe i should focus on intentional gratitude? i'm sure i have lots to be grateful for, even if i'm not feeling it at the moment. right?
what good will it do for me to just rant and rave about all the things that i'm ungrateful for? none. just make me more irritable, is all it would do. and then i'd be spreading it out to you guys. sorry for any misunderstandings.


i did get some new herbal essences rainforest conditioner the other day and i like it. that is something good.

that's all i have to say for the moment.

lately, i have not been eating very healthfully.
i've also been eating a lot more.
need to watch that.


more painting of junk food.
less eating of junk food!

don't have time for this

my hands are very large. but that toy is also small.

i probably need to get a haircut but i don't want to spend my money on that and i don't want to be dissatisfied with whatever cut i get. there is always that risk, you know.


this looks kinda like i peed, even tho it really doesn't, it is suggestive of that, in an immature sort of way.
i hate when acquaintances come up to me while i'm on the computer at the library and start, like, talking to me and, like, looking at what i am doing! argh! go away! i am not in the mood to be sociable. i am busy!

i am also in a hurry and not in the mood to placate some weirdo stalker. oy. okay that isn't nice.

*sigh*

i know i complain too much, but i am aware of it. that is a start, right?


this is a crazy picture
this month I went WAY WAY WAY overboard on texting. i went from never texting to over 500 texts in one month. so my mom cancelled my texting. good. but i feel so childlike. hi i'm a teenager who texts too much. do they have meetings for that? it was kind of a waste, but i guess a sort of good like uh, i dunno, distraction? entertainment?

babushka

i am using phone pix cuz i can't upload any pics today. i MAY have a chance tomorrow, MAYBE but it is going to be a very busy day.
we'll see.
my camera is full and so i'm at a standstill for the moment.

me being a dork, again, for your entertainment

i got this necklace out of a vending machine for fifty cents.
it is plastic.
when i was walking down the street, this mentally disabled guy (it was obvious) stopped me and complimented my necklace.
he told me that he came to town to buy a soda and that he still had 35 dollars left.
haha.
he said it was nice to see me and patted me on the shoulder.


MY weekend was okay.
i still have a chance at that apartment.
there is one available.
i will get it if everything pans out.
hopefully by the end of this week.
or by the first, basically.

yesterday, my roommate made fried chicken.
i ate some and it was okay but NOT WORTH the fried food smell which will eternally live in the house from this day forward.
ugh.
i hate fried food smell. so. much.
don't you?

it is on me again this morning because someone else was frying food in my presence.
woe unto me.

leave a comment. i can't stop you.

i get so tired of my FACE! argh! why do i obsessively take pictures of it?
STOP!!!!! i can't stop. i'm sorry. it's a lot like looking in the mirror.
self-consciousness. ugh. a terrible character flaw.
vanity.
it's not the same thing as being conceited, tho.

the library is closed today and tomorrow and the college is on spring break so i can't upload pictures for DAYZ man. that is just WRONG. and unfair. isn't it?
fudge. well, i have to go catch the bus now.

we bleed as one

"For happiness, how little suffices for happiness! . . . the least thing precisely, the gentlest thing, the lightest thing, a lizard's rustling, a breath, a wisk, an eye glance --little maketh up the best happiness. Be still." --Nietzsche

someone sent that chinese take-out box picture to me on my cellphone and they had the wrong number! they were sending it to their friend kari. ha.

here is a stupid picture of me trying on sunglasses.


i have started painting with acrylics but they dry too fast compared with lovely water-mixable oils & they are kind of chalky, too. i miss my water-mixable oils.

wanna hear about the dream i had last night?
k. i'll tell you anyway.

i stopped ata gas station and there was a picnic area on one side. i was looking at a cool classic car then i had to use the restroom. i went in & there were visible several stalls to choose from of varying sizes but all LARGE. like bedrooms. each beautifully decorated and full of trinkets, including jewelry, lotions, hair accessories, probably even clothing. as i continued to become more engrossed with examining everything, (largely to see what things I wanted) the house just continued to 'expand' - there were several stories with inner balconies artistically decorated - actually a lot of art deco. this one beautiful landscape painting was amazingly crafted entirely out of saran wrap which had been creatively twisted and crumbled up to portray a gorgeous grove of trees in a grassy meadow under a swirling sky. i continued to explore the house and it just went on & on like a maze and eventually it was full of people like a party.

check it out

if all goes well, this is my new job. orientation starts April 2nd. full-time, days, w/benefits. at a nursing home! that is the cool part, to me. i think it is perfect for me. what could be better? and i STILL haven't found out about my apartment. i am supposed to find out for sure tomorrow. i am very irritated by that, the way they keep telling me one thing and then making me wait more. such is life. there's not a lot i can do about it. waiting is part of life. WAIT WAIT WAIT. and we are not supposed to have 'waiting' mentality. blergh.


sigh.
i wish i wish i wish.
one door seems to have closed today and another door is waiting to be knocked upon. i think it is ajar. maybe i will jiggle the handle. (cryptically speaking)


is that straight on?

btw, i'm not anorexic or starving myself. it's called having no transportation and being basically forced to walk everywhere in the universe every day for two and 1/2 months straight. y'know? that's all. and if i was 'chubby' before, it's from having a baby after a pregnancy with bedrest (during which time i craved ice cream every night) and staying home with her for a year and a half every day. *shrug* again: just life. always changing, you know.

during the next few days i'll be working on a painting of the roast beef sandwich with a side of nachos. it will be a small painting done with acrylics, with which i have yet to work. here are my other paintings for those of you who haven't seen them or want to see them again.

trying to perfect the 3/4 view. ;-)
ugh i am WAITING. i have to wait for one more hour before i know if i get to move into my apartment. COME ON! i can't wait that long.


of course, i basically have NOTHING to furnish my apartment with... but that will be taken care of... don't you worry your pretty little heads about that.


this was a nice healthy lunch. i love grocery outlet. you can get all this cool, healthy stuff for way cheaper than it would normally cost. like, WAY.
you don't even know.