Tuesday, April 29, 2008

pregnant trapeze

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i don't know why.
i wore this outfit to a semi-get-together and there was this girl there (woman?) who was wearing tight low-rise jeans with a half-tank top and she had a lower back tattoo and a tan and she was sexy and she knew it and she kept flipping her hair and bending over in front of everyone and just essentially showing off her hot bod and i felt like a totally unattractive cow the whole time. it SUCKED!!!! i hate sexy bitches. well. i tried to be inwardly supportive of her right to flaunt what she's got while the flauntin's good, but still... part of me kept inwardly calling her a brazen hussy. i hate it when women have to be attention hogs and men are so easily manipulated. i don't play that. but then i hate myself for being ignored.
life is such a pain sometimes.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

stuff 2 tell u

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Snippets of Conversations in a Nursing Home

Old Woman: "I wanna go to bed."
Nurse: "No, You just got up."
Old Woman: "What for?"
Nurse: "You're gonna be eating breakfast."

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there is an 89 yr-old man and he keeps trying to 'make passes at me'
yesterday, he came up to me and loudly announced, in front of everyone (it felt like):
"Your shape isn't SEXY. but it's attractive somehow."
he kept staring at my chest and i realized my shirt was too revealing, so i got some scotch tape and taped the v-neck closed a little.
today he was like, "you should wear that outfit more often. it made you look sexy. it revealed just enough. you're sexy."
oh, and today he was trying to 'bribe me' with beef jerky and salted nuts.

Friday, April 25, 2008

what not to wear

that sweatshirt is dumb.
having my cellphone in the pocket of it makes it all bulgy in the belly.
bulgy belly = not a good thing.

and look how HUGE my hands are?
what will i do?
how can i go on living?
with such huge huge hands?
it is a disgrace.

i should change the name of my blog to: The HUGE hands BLOG. AND paris hilton can co-author.

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i could probably be in the guinness (?) book of world records for Most Androgynous and largest hands on a female, huh? oh and Puffiest Morning Face.

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what else? oh yeah, Biggest Failure as a Mother of ALL TIME.

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also: least photogenic human on the planet.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

holy sugar overload

this month, since i moved into my apartment and started my job, i've consumed much more sugar than i have this whole year so far before that. I have eaten at least 4 dozen cookies, 15 hot cocoas and 15 sodas... at least. plus more junk, i'm sure, like dark chocolate, etcetera. i think i'm starting to get back on track tho. i'm not TOO skinny. i am in very good shape, but i could still be in way better shape. and i eat regularly, believe me. people always wanna criticize....

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i picked up a bunch of books from the free bin in the library and last night i started reading slouching toward bethlehem by joan didion. i am enjoying it.

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i am liking my hair much better today.


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i am actually quite surprised at the onslaught of insults i've found in my comments this morning. it's a great feeling to know i'm so hated. (not) and to realize how unattractive i am. and here i was actually feeling like i'm not so bad looking.
all the people who compliment me in my life must just be feeling sorry for me, i guess.

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at least here i have people who will tell me the truth about my hideousness. i apologize to you all for presenting my offensive visage to your virgin eyes which must be used to only seeing very beautiful people all the time?
is my blog some sort of beauty contest with the world? can't i just look the way i look?

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and what do you people hope to accomplish with your attempts to humiliate me and grind my sense of self-worth into the ground? you want a reaction? okay. here it is. but that won't be enough will it? i'm sure it won't. you'll want to put even more energy into further degrading whatever shred of dignity i might have left. you're like the ugly stepsisters in cinderella. just get over it, already. i'm not going to stop doing what i am doing. i am not trying to offend anyone, so if you are offended by my blog that must be your problem and how about you just stop looking at it? it must be nice for you all to be so amazingly perfectly beautiful that you feel so confident in bashing my appearance.

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i have already had shorter hair and it doesn't do me any favors. so, nope, i won't be going any shorter. no bob haircuts here, thanks.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

it had to be done?

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that is my neighbors big fat cat named Skunky. and he is stinky, too.
she still has christmas wrapping and wrapped christmas presents on her livingroom floor.

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that is my friend the-deaf-guy there in the background of that pic

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even after my hair has been cut, i am still finding big old split ends.