sickness, old age and death

sorry for being so un-original.
life goes on.
hey, my job at the 'old-folks home' is very enlightening.
i mean, really.
it's humbling and it teaches me so much about life and myself and other people and time, and everything.


like: what is going on here?
what is the deal?
i look at the old people's stuff and they have pictures on their personal bulletin boards of themselves when they were in the prime of their lives and now they sleep all day and they are old and they wear diapers and take their clothes off at random and it is just a trip, man.


so then i think: this is the fate of every one of us, unless we die before it happens.
and what should these people do? now that they have dentures they don't wear and their boobs are sagging to their knees and their skin is like parchment? should they get plastic surgery? no.
there can be some dignity in aging.
we don't have to fear it.


but the buddhist monks have it right, you know.
because all we are is presence/consciousness/awareness and there may very well come a time in the not-so-distant future when all we CAN do is breathe and sit... so we might as well get good at it now, you know?
and we've really gotta learn to go with the flow.
no point in resisting things.
i've noticed that i am always in a big rush.
hurry hurry hurry.
i don't want to waste any time.


but i need to slow down, maybe.
here are two lunches that i ate at work. as you can see, they are from the cafeteria. they were pretty good for two dollars each. but i will probably just take my own lunch most of the time.


anyway, i have today and tomorrow off, but i will be pretty busy.
it has been tough to start a new job and move into my apartment at the same time.
i have been so crazily busy since january, man.


last night i watched two movies. Seeker: The Dark is Rising. and Underdog.
they were both for 14 yr-olds, but i enjoyed them as mindless entertainment. actually Seeker was pretty cool. kinda harry-potterish, but a little different.
the computer i am using is so slow it makes me want to SCREAM.


but i am handling it with composure.
just inwardly, trying to breathe through it.


my apartment is slowly coming together. it's a process. i'll start taking pictures soon. had to upload what i had on my camera to make some room for more pics.



today i went rummaging through the remnants of a garage sale from the weekend and everything that was left was marked FREE so i got a box of stuff but i felt like a crazy person while i was gathering the stuff and also i was talking to myself out loud. it was after a double shot of espresso. i think i need another one of those.