i won't let you down

perhaps you've noticed now that facebook and twitter are taking over the galaxy, nobody cares about BLOGs anymore!


OH WELL>>>>>
GOOD!


i can blog and not have to worry about weird people obsessing over every tedious detail of my life. or not. it doesn't matter. when i started blogging i never ever ever ever ever thought anyone would EVER read it. *shrug*


there's a lot less of a feeling of Pressure that way, isn't there?
it's back to blogging whatever the hell i want and not worrying about it.
that's where the fun is!


but maybe some ppl will be bummed cuz they thought their blog was gonna make them a bunch of money. i wonder if personal individuals will now try to make their money off of facebook and twitter? no doubt they will.
that's what my "Real job" is for.
i've never been big on attaching money-making to my creative outlets.
it tends to put a damper on things, for me.
it's weird.
i'd rather GIVE my art away.
thinking someone is supposed to buy it gives me 'artist's block'
\\\\\


well, it is for that and it is also for other things like a sense of purpose and personal satisfaction that i am doing something which matters in the world. cuz it really does. to me and to the other people to whom it matters. (my job, the people i work with and for.... etc)

the people at my job are starting a Bunco group and i thought i should go ahead and join when i was asked because i am usually very antisocial and prefer to spend my time on my own terms... but then i think, sometimes, well, i should get involved and be more sociable and it wouldn't kill me, would it? but then i found out i am supposed to host bunco at MY HOUSE at some point and i was picturing, like, 28 ladies or some outlandish such number at my house and i am like, there is NO EFFING WAY. i would have to CLEAN my house, for one thing and also THERE IS NO ROOM. maybe i could go to my old church and ask them to let me have my bunco night there! criminy.
how do you spell criminy? too lazy to look it up at the mome.


there are also a million other 'joiner' things going on at my work lately, since we have a new, laid back administrator. i'm like tempted but resistant all at once. i don't like the idea of giving up my personal free-time, but sometimes i feel the need for social contact. it's a CoNunDrum. don't like feeling 'obligated' makes me want to back out.


there's a Softball Team and an Activities Group and An Easter Get-Together.
GARSH. WHY? i understand the sentiment and it would be awesome if i could get into that, but i cherish my at-home, not-at-work time. y'know? plus, i have bad memories about myself in relation to involvement with sports. and social situations. argh. i blush; and get all stammery and it just isn't fun. i sometimes feel so awkward and almost cripplingly shy, but NOT ALWAYS. it's sort of unpredictable.