reality is a mixed bag

at the nursing facility where i work, i started up this activity of painting and we've collected all the paintings and begun framing them. here are some of them. not even half. it's a work in-progress. i think it's cool. and THAT is the reason i got employee of the month in august. just the facts here.


i regularly read fashion magazines and i shop at stores in the united states where mass-produced products are sold and wow, i have pink effing nail polish, i have hands, and i have a camera. WHAT a coinkydink. (if you don't understand what i am saying... that's okay)


i am just a person and there are bazillions of us... mass consumers of mass production. but look at the cute little santa claus cup! it was made in Japan. says so on the bottom.


so in a mass society, in a mass culture, what do you think the likelihood of similarity in styles, fashions, etcetera is? hmmmm?
how much orignality do you think YOU have?
none, really, unless you've lived a completely isolated and sheltered life away from all outside influences. right?

i've harped on all of this till i'm blue/red (purple?) in the face, but the point never seems to hit home with some, well, i won't call them morons cuz i hate that word but... idk, nincowpoops? maroons?

today i was accused of "worshipping buddha" which is really a laugh.
how does one worship the awakened mind?


and do you honestly think that my entire blogging career has been me pretending to be someone i'm not?
well, do you know who i really am, then?
how do you know?
have you known me all my life?
it would be really a lot of work to constantly pretend to be someone else every time i blog. and to be honest, i don't put much forethought into my blogging. it is usually an afterthought, especially this past year because i have had such limited internet access that i am usually in a big hurry when i blog. actually always.
i just whip something out in about ten minutes max. it just comes straight from my brain to the keyboard.


most of my clothes were free or from thrift stores or purchased from walmart or the cheapie little fashion boutique in this town which mostly carries outdated discount clothing.


i do think that i must be an incredibly resilient individual because i have taken so much abuse and hardship in my life and i am still here, still functioning, still trying to do the best i can.


i've been betrayed, abused, had everything i own and love taken away from me again and again and i am like the energizer bunny.
i just keep going.


but you know something?
it's not over.
there are people even now who are trying to bring me down and destroy any stability i have created for myself.