i didn't do it

no, that artwork is not mine.
i did not paint it or draw it or whatever.
it was in the donations and i snapped a pic of it, that is all.
the camera i am now using seems to distort things and it isn't very good quality at all.
in case you hadn't noticed.
it's disappointing.

it's snowing and will probably keep snowing for five more days.
makes walking around a blast and a half.
oh joy of joys.

i am totally stressed out.

oh well, i guess?

today at crossroads ministries (where i spend the majority of each weekday, sorting thru donations and helping to feed the hungry) we had Indian Tacos for lunch, as can be seen in the above photo.
they've been hyped up so much that i ended up feeling not-so-impressed, but it WAS better than our usual lunches, i guess.
i'd've liked some sour cream, tho. but anyway, yeah it was okay.
also id've liked it if the fry-bread would've been made with cornmeal.
so picky, huh? beggars can't be choosers, can they? no.
so i ought not to complain, but there was someone else there who was a first-timer for indian tacos and he felt pretty much the same way.
he's also from the same home-town as me.
and he reminds me of one of my cousins.

lots of people remind me of other people i've known in my life. that's always trippy, isn't it?
my dad used to say he thought there were only like seven basic face types which were pretty much repeated over and over. *shrug* "clines" we call them in anthropology.

here is a funny sign.

we had to put that up in the bathroom at crossroads because some lady in a wheelchair throws her stuff on the floor cuz she doesn't want to get up out of her wheelchair. her name is helen. she is commonly referred to as "hell on wheels" get it? heheh. well it's true. one day during a sermon she kept on saying "this is so boring. this is the most boring guy i have ever listened too. i am bored." haha.

the truth is...

the truth is that i frequently struggle with irritations and annoyances.
i try not to dwell on them, however.
i will share some of them with you now, tho, because i want to be un-hypocritical. i am not always happy.
one of my pet peeves is when people use 'baby-talk' even tho they are old and never around any children. to me it seems to be masking their true feelings about things.

also, when people cough, my first reaction is to feel annoyed.
i try to think compassionate thoughts, though... in order to counteract my feelings of criticism about their coughing.

also, i don't like when people eat a lot of junk food and sweets.

that is all i am going to share, i guess.

i went to the dentist today for a cleaning and check-up.
have to go back same time next week for two fillings.
woot.

right now i am feeling so bored that i am about ready to start applying at fast food places just to have something else to DO!!!

don't feed your anger

"To be kind does not mean to be passive. To be compassionate does not mean to allow others to walk all over you, to allow yourself to be destroyed. ... Your motivation is to prevent that person from continuing his course of destruction and from feeding his anger." --Thich Nhat Hanh

a day in the life

last night we had Celebrating Recovery again. we sing the same songs every week. then we split up into small groups... women and men separately. my women's group is just women saying stuff about their lives and most of them come across as 'not all there' to me, but who am i to judge, i guess. the coolest part is at the end when we all hold hands and say the lord's prayer out loud together. the lord's prayer is awesome.

we have Bible study every morning and two evenings a week... tonight we have dinner which is sponsored by a church. tomorrow church (my baptism). the morning Bible study is led by a man whom i find a little bit annoying but i always pray that i will overlook the things about him that annoy me and focus my attention on the Word and whatever message is being conveyed. Friday morning was cool, tho. we talked about the book of John and the story where Jesus turns the water into wine at the wedding feast. i found it interesting the way He sort of sasses his mom in one part. He was kind of sensitive about the fact that He was going to be crucified.

have you ever seen Jesus Christ Superstar? I love that movie. The original one from the seventies. The Last Temptation of Christ is freaky weird, tho. But when I was a kid, I thought the same thing about Jesus Christ Superstar.

here is some evidence of my scoliosis. i guess you'll all want to see it from the back, tho. my mom sent her old digital camera to me, so soon I'll have pictures of a little bit better quality for ya.

i am reading a book by Ken Gire called Windows of the Soul: Experiencing God in New Ways. I'm almost finished with it.
He's an intellectual and he describes his struggles and the struggles of others. You have to really focus. It's not light reading. I found myself getting easily distracted and then having to go back and re-read paragraphs. I'm glad to've read it, tho.

did you know that i have scoliosis?
it's pretty bad, i think.
it hurts all the time and junk.
especially now that i am having to stand up for hours on end every day and i have also been doing tons of walking.

i guess that is all i have to say?
hm.
oh, monstergirl left a comment which i deleted but i think it is funny cuz it was a link to a picture of bonnie raitt and at first i thought she was trying to insult me but then my friend said i should say something like, 'let's give 'em somethin' to talk about' and actually, i like that song. but anyway.... yeah.

i am so articulate.

this too shall pass

i'm getting tired of having lots of guys hit on me.
well, mainly because i am not interested in any of them, i guess.
i mean... you know, it's awkward.
but i guess it is better than being insulted all the time.

have you noticed that america is obsessed with having clear, flawless skin and flat abs?

one of the girls at the women's house is going to get a family gym membership and i am going to start going to the gym. then i will have a SOLID CORE and there won't be anything negative you can say about that!

i am going to prayer group at 6PM and i will be praying for my enemies and those who persecute me. k?


i've been reading Your Best Life Now by Joel Osteen and at first i wasn't sure if he was a false prophet or what but last night i really got into the book and laughed my fool head off! it's a good book. check it out. or don't. whatever.
but it's true that he doesn't seem to talk much at all about Christ or about Salvation.... so... who knows. but he is kinda cute and funny.

discernment. what do you think, if anything, about Joel?

basically happy and good

i'm getting baptized for the first time this coming Sunday.
i love the church i've been going to.
they play live bluegrass music and we sing old hymns.
the preacher talks just like Reba.
it's cool.

two women are moving out of the 'women's house' and a new girl is moving in.
i switched to a different room so that i won't have to have a roommate.

the pics in this post are from my cell-phone.

at the women's house and also at church there is always tons of food and too many cakes and cookies and pastries, etcetera. self-control must be practiced in full-force.

residentially challenged

so, like...
just so you know?
this blog is not supposed to be SUPER SERIOUS.
it's for entertainment purposes.
mostly my own entertainment, that is.
and actually, i kind of find all the 'crazy comments' somewhat entertaining, to be honest.
sometimes they annoy me for a little bit, but mostly they are just absurd to me.
also, the way people jump to strong conclusions based on extremely limited information is pretty funny to me... because i really know what the deal is and you really don't. or maybe i am not even sure about some things and i have way more info about all of it than you who think you've got it totally figured out.
as i've said before,
the opinions of people who basically know nothing about me, my situation, my ex-, etcetera are mostly irrelevant to me...
although i do occasionally find that even the off-base crap can yield a little bit of insight into my own perspective on things.
my posts are usually off-the-cuff and incomplete.
there is always SO MUCH MORE to it all than what i choose to share here and i really don't have to share any of it and blah blah blah.
THINK WHAT YOU WANT.

i've been drinking TONS of water, consequently having to pee every five minutes.
it is a joy.

you don't know me.
i didn't eat even one of those cookies pictured above.


this WAS my plate, tho and i DID eat this.

forgive me

This song is beautiful.

Tracy Chapman "Baby I Can Hold You"



here are the lyrics

Sorry
Is all that you can't say
Years gone by and still
Words don't come easily
Like sorry like sorry

Forgive me
Is all that you can't say
Years gone by and still
Words don't come easily
Like forgive me forgive me

But you can say baby
Baby can I hold you tonight
Maybe if I told you the right words
At the right time you'd be mine

I love you
Is all that you can't say
Years gone by and still
Words don't come easily
Like I love you I love you

breaking and entering your skull

i've been reading some christian book by neil t anderson.... the bondage breaker, it is called.
i don't really like it very much, but i keep reading it, anyway.
he's an evangelical, isn't he?
i dunno. it just brings back memories of my childhood.
i was brought up going to church at 7th day Adventist and school at a Pentacostal church even tho neither of my parents were even remotely religious in any way.
in fact, i identified them as unrepentant sinners, which is why i had severe insomnia every night because i thought that the end of the world was surely imminent on a daily basis and that my family would not be saved, even tho i prayed fervently for their souls every night. sigh.
christianity is sometimes a scary thing, you know. we all know this.
evangelicals can really get carried away.
i watched jesus camp on christmas day. that was scary, too.
and sad.
i don't even wanna talk about it right now.

on a more pleasant note: i ate some bad lettuce a couple of days ago and had the trots for two days straight. that killed my appetite and i got skinnier. woot. (false enthusiasm).

i'm better now, tho. this morning i ate plain soyogurt mixed with kashi golean chocolate protein shake mixand it tasted like wet dog hair. highly appetizing, no? it's better with normal plain yogurt, rather than the soy junk, but that is all they had at grocery outlet, which is my supermarket of choice.


also, i have been drinking recharge like it's going out of style. i drink one bottle a day of that stuff.

i really wish i could UPLOAD my new pictures!!!!!!!!
what is so difficult about that?
why must it be so complicated?


here is some of the stupid 'womens' house drama' that happ'd.
okay, there was this hair bleach (two boxes) that were on a 'community shelf' and they didn't have anyone's name on them. i asked two of the house residents if i could use it and they said yes. so i wanted to bleach a couple of streaks in my hair so i could be COOL like kathryn and raymi!!!! (never gonna happen, i know... 'give it up', you say. whatever. so i bleached a couple of streaks in my hair and then that ONE girl comes and she is like OMG WHERE IS MY HAIR BLEACH? and i was like, dude, sorry, i'll buy you another one. but then the house manager said i don't have to cuz it was her own fault that it got used. so now that started us off on a wrong foot right off the bat. (horrible mixed metaphor, i know) and i don't really even LIKE the stupid bleach streaks and it made my hair smell bad for days and oh yeah, btw, i don't like the smell of Glade Suddenly Spring room freshening spray anymore. i figured it out, it reminds me of the perfume Anais Anais that my mom used to wear when i was 18.

okay, that whole paragraph is convoluted, isn't it?


that is my brother

today some man was telling me that he was left-handed as a child and his teachers used to beat his hand with a ruler when he used his left hand. that made me angry to hear that! that is SO messed up.

okay. i guess i'm gonna end this, now.

so much drama!

living in a house with three other girls is okay and all?
BUT there is another girl involved who has been kicked out for 30 days.
it's 20 days til she is supposedly allowed back, but she is still creating drama
and i am supposed to be sharing a room with her when she gets back.
she is a tweek.
she tells lies.
she complains a lot.
etcetera.

really. there is so much gossip and idk...



last night we went to 'celebrating recovery' which is a church thing. i went to the 'co-dependents' group. i talked a little bit about wanting to control how i am perceived by others, which is a problem for co-dependents. (newsflash: we don't have control over how other people perceive us, and if we think we do, we are lying to ourselves and others)



i've been meeting a lot of new people lately and all of them are way surprised when they find out how old i am and they always think that i am 20 or 25 at the most.
i've been told that i look natural and that i have beauty and they love my hair.
also they don't think i look like i would have any problems, at least not the kind of problems they have.



yeah, well, looks can be deceiving, can't they?



anyway... i have to go buy tampons now. i earned $16 this week! WOOT.
we have two birds at the house. a parakeet and a cockatiel.

oh. i can only take pics now with my phone, but i have been having trouble with setting up the online photo-storage, so the pics are trapped on my phone. i can't send texts or pics on my phone so i have to wait until verizon gets up off their collective ass and fixes this problem. then you can see my recent pics. i'm sure you're dying of anticipation.